I can't help but keep thinking this. This is not it. When you know you were born healthy and capable of everything and more, but your mind is battered by the elements of the world to shade your sanity.
I still hope that there is a way yet to escape this zoo.. feeling everyday as if watched by a multitude of angels waiting for a movement and all of hells angels and hounds haunting me with lies. The truth is more then this. I won't wait till i die before i know this, and that is why i must find it now before it is late and paradise is lost to eternity. Fetch me my shovel, and they will assume I'm digging my grave - and truthfully I am as i know death of the self leads to life on the other side.
I suppose thats the goat like nature in me, nipping at what few blades of green grass and wondering whether it be time to move on. Damn that troll - at least now my head feels stronger having grown nearly full set on my head. The fear of defeat has only held me back. But one day, I'll cross that bridge and will claim my inheritance, as the world, nor any its gateways are owned by man nor beast. But when will i muster up what little confidence is required? What its true what the troll has told me? I could very well die trying to live freely as well as my kin who may follow.
This desire is killing me, but my anger is rightly placed if it were deception. What could I lose if i left this place. Its barren and could only be enjoyed by those who hadn't been curious to see. If I hadn't looked, this would have been a lot easier - but its not quantity i look for, but the riches of the spirit. I want to feel it all - to be like God. Will running away make me so? No - but one step closer to the truth I've forgotten all along. That is that the truth is not owned by one man or another. They will say - its here - or there, but I know that it is inside, and that is what this flight is all about. Getting away from all that has kept me down from realizing that piece of God in me.
