I had this note come to mind last night when i was to tired to sleep. I was wide awake -- nearly 3 in the morning with an idea I could not shake. In this state of enveloping ambition and passion for this idea which captured all my interest to the point where i was not willing to have my mind drop the idea, but kept on developing it while is was still fresh. Then i thought it strange and funny to have this sensation to not sleep -- and how often i've heard other speak of "not being able to fall asleep". I've lived so long now, intoxicated with the dull numbing cheap thrills and sensations of the city, where streetlight replaces stars and cloud pollutes the moon to gleam on our faded fake grass. I've forgotten the clarity of mind that is given when one places all - his love, strength and soul into his task at hand.
I am now also reading an old ancient book which speaks long about a basically elaborated story of the prodigal son -- but said in such great detail gives it more character to believe and sympathize with the boys character. We are all one of those prodigal sons, but which one? Where are we now that we cannot live to our fullest potential, as burning vessels for the creator, like stars so bright that it even sheds its light on other planets, moons and other masses of unlit creations. Why has it been so hard to shine?
My thought is this. The state of being able to think clearly is a matter to be avoided, namely because it puts you at a state of awareness where you see all that there is. You cannot close your eyes and ignore it. It demands responsibility for its presence, or else what you have observed will be no more then a glitch in your system of fading complexity. We have to make sense of it, and so it is better to stay blind; ignorant to the pressing matters at hand. But the state of being aware has its perfect balance where you have an obligation to know more, but knowing that more is in the balanced hands of the creator then could ever be handled by one vessel. So we take awareness in rations -- consuming each individual bite slowly like Frodo and Sam on their trip to Mordor which we know is the end, but having the will at hand to give it all up for the good of all.
I don't know why I write these thoughts when I'm so tired - but they make so much better reading material since they have no structure to a point to be made, but rather a story with a hint of truth in it.
Have a good night..
