Set: Laying on my bed; head hanging over the top. I lay there in contemplation for a moment. The blue hue of both of the lights shifted into a lonely hue, and anxiety crept over me... and slowly intensified. I knew this feeling, but I wondered why it was there until it hadn't mattered anymore. Confused, I solidified myself by laying upright a bit and breathed more consciously, and remembered my state prior of peace and comfort. The problem was neither, but that I was alone.

The blue hue of the room slowly shifted to magenta (as my low-light shifting LED light-bulbs do) and I started to regain my senses. Perhaps this shift came about for many reasons other then the low-light intense blue hue, or the half-pot of coffee I had earlier in the day (which is most likely still in my system) most likely to speed up brainwave patterns and perhaps anxiety attacks from affecting hormone balances, or the fact that my head was awkwardly bent over the side of the bed causing a kink in my long hose of a neck. All in all, the feeling was what it was .. and I've been thinking about it ever since. The feeling of being alone.

Since I was young, I had this fear suddenly approach me when falling asleep. I was alone, and there was nothing to speed up the process of falling asleep. This only intensified the feeling of wanting sleep, which only propelled it further away. I grew up learning how to forsake the feeling, but it still rarely creeps up I guess. I grew up in a family of four other siblings and parents. Through childhood, I had many of my siblings slip away to education and marriage until in my last years of highschool, even my close brother disappeared to college. Of course I am not complaining about anything, since of course I was raised very well, and my family is closest to me. Now I realize something though -- that through certain years, I tried to be independent -- to be my own person as most teens do.. and now the feeling is reversing.

I learned in my last years that we all we're never were alone, and we never wanted to be alone. We just want to feel like we have things under control, but a man left to his own ship really is alone. There is no way, no matter how skilled he is at maintaining the sails, the storms will crush a mans confidence under the waves pressure.

I think that summarizes the feeling that washed over me. I think it is the strangest battle man faces in a lifetime. The name of the piece below is called "You will never walk alone" -- a drawing I made back when I was 16 or something.