To those listening, I thought to confirm the reason i left no postings for more then a week now. It is not that i have nothing to say, but the little i is the reason itself.
This blog is full of language - common, in small simple words we all know well. Language is not so much a problem in itself. Its the message. The tower of Babel is not without irony to its name; we've built another to our pledged name as fellow Americans uniting under a common word we can swear upon, but soon we will be scattered and leaderless. God was named to be the one who ignited the flame which burned atop our heads and we became unfamiliar to each others tongue. Now again, i speak in simple terms clear - yet few are here to listen. I'm not trying to speak like some prophet here, but its just clear that Jesus was right when he said "many have come, but few are chosen" or "ye who have ears to hear, let him listen".
I speak here as a little man, with little to say, yet so much unsaid. We all have ears and mouths, but use them for subjective terms only to get things done. My ways are my own, and yours are your own. But that which comes from the mind cannot be clearly understood or explained in that subjective manner we are so costumed to. What happens inside me and inside you are two seemingly different things. Why cannot is be explained easily when they are the same? Because we are looking for a common answer. My understanding of love is quite different then yours because of our subjective way of grasping its behaviour. But we are the reinactment of love, so its impossible to understand it outside of you. If you try and understand it by acting out the behaviour of one who is claimed to be in love, you'll fool many but not yourself, for love has no flaw. It cannot be empty, for its essence is full. It cannot lack presence and cannot be taken without being given.
The idea here is that i am full of many things right now - many things i have written down i wanted to write on this blog, but which can be explained? All or none? I don't doubt that i can explain it as best i can and perhaps better and better each time, like a child learning to write, but who can understand what I'm feeling and seeing? Is it really the same when you are reading this now? Am i waisting my time blubbering about an amazing insight which is selfish in nature to be jabbering about? I want you to find your own way, but that I cannot help you on. Every path is different, because what obstacles you face are much different then my own, and i feel sad that we cannot hear on the same level.
Every step of this way has been resistance for me. Resistance to write, resistance to work, to eat, to sleep, to go to church, to read, to sit, to do, to whatever because i cannot fully understand what "grandness" this is supposed to be. I was shown so many times in life and believed it; that there is something around the corner that will save me. In the Gospel of Thomas - Jesus says "if those who lead you say to you, "See the Kingdom is in the sky," then the birds of the will precede you". I don't want to be looking for it anymore, for I know it is inside. I may be wrong in all doctrine, and all my interpretations of the gospel wrong, read the wrong stuff or say the wrong things, but one thing i can do for you is lead by provoking a trail of thought which will lead to your own way to the awareness of God. Don't follow me, for one who is blind will lead another into a hole and die. But i know as rhetorical and silly my writings seem, they are clever enough to me since i never know how they start or finish, and deliver a concept or perhaps a message that only the holy spirit could direct through the kafafull of it. The resistance i speak of is against all the wills the world could impose on me, so what criticism you have, let it be of yourself and let yourself understand why. The question is better then the answer. I guarantee the answer is stupider, 99.999999999999+ of the time.
Thank you for reading this. The point of this entire message was not mearly to write a void to all that is spoken, but rather initiate the answer that you've wanted to understand for so long, yet have been looking for. That small fractal percentage is real, and that part is you. It is inside of you - only you know the answer, and the point of trying to explain that is not only impossible, but inevitable its presence will be made known.
